I Still Miss Him

Today marks the 10 year anniversary of my brother-in-law Jacob’s death. He died a young man in the prime of his life.

I jumped on Facebook for a moment and saw a memorial posted about him. I was caught off guard. The emotions it stirred up came like a flood. I was surprised by that. I don’t really know why it surprised me, but it did.

The awful reality of losing someone we care about, especially when they are young, is the lingering feeling of all that was missed.

I remember Jacob’s sense of humor, his deep passion for ministry, his love for his family. All the things that point to a life, but are not the totality of it. They are merely the outlines we use to give form to our memories. But he was more than that.

As the years pass by, the greater my appreciation for the promise of God we share. That some day I will see him again. That some day the surprise of his death will be gone because I will see him. And we will rejoice together.

When I think about Jacob, it is a mix of mourning and sadness, anger and frustration, joy and peace. It can be so confusing. And yet, each of them crash over me like random waves on the shore.

It caught me off guard, the memory of Jacob’s passing. It’s hard to believe that it’s been ten years. But in a way I am glad it did. It reminded me that I still miss him. And I pray I always will, until I don’t have to anymore.

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